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Sometimes I dance around the living room with one hand waving free...

"With all its shame, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world…Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

— Max Ehrmann

Friday, April 4, 2008

I wouldn't last a day locked up....a lesson learned...

....It all started when I got pulled over at the end of the worst year ever (2007)

officer : " do you know why I pulled you over?"
Me : " No "
Officer: " Your right head light is out "
Me: " that's it"
Officer: " Yeah, are you driving home at this hour, do you live near by"
Me: " Two blocks down the street."
Officer: " I'm writing you a citation, go get it fixed."

later on the phone to my friend Kiyomi.. me: " Don't they have criminals to arrest... I WASN'T SPEEDING OR ANYTHING AND THE OTHER HEAD LIGHT WORKS! #$%^....%$#%#@$%! "

later that week,

Me: " Matt, can you help me replace a head light...I got a ticket for it."
Matt: " Do you mean you want me to fix it while you watch.."
Me: " I can watch tv while you fix it."
Matt: " Come over"
Me: " Thanks"

so I got it fixed..and time when by...and a letter came in the mail...

You didn't come in regarding your citation so now you have a fine.... $91

me: " $%#%$...%$^$%^" ( this was when I still had a potty mouth )

time went by....the money is on my dresser....I got a letter in the mail...

you didn't come in regarding your fine...your drivers license may be suspended....

(I no longer swear)


district court office
operator: " How can I help you?"
Me: "I got a notice in the mail about my license being suspended...I didn't pay a fine on time."
Operator: " Your Name"
Me: " Michelle"
Operator: " And your last name"
Me: "Oh yea, sorry...."
(I gave her my last name and the case number...there was a long pause."
Operator: " Michelle, um, well, there is a warrent out for your arrest now."
Me: " Please tell me you're kidding..are you serious...all for my head light.."
Operator: " AND you forgot to come in dear."
Me:" I've never been to jail...I've never been arrested..."
Operator: "It's okay dear, just bring in $164 and we can take care of it."
Me: " Or I go to Jail."

....do you know me? I wouldn't last a minute in JAIL! I can't even use a public rest room, let alone a potty in the middle of a cell...WHAT THE DEVIL? JAIL!

Me to boss: " I have to leave work early"
Boss Eric: " Why"
Me: " I have a warrant out for my arrest..I have to pay a bond or bail, I can't remember what the lady said, I have to pay today, and then take a paper to the DMV so they don't suspend my license"
Eric: " Can we call and tell them where to pick you up so you leave in handcuffs?"
Me: " Not funny..."
Eric: "Yes it is.."

I'm on the run from the law now...I'm going to run to the district court office so I can pay this whatever it is I have to pay....
NOTE TO SELF : Never put off til whenever what you really ought to do right now.


Missi said...

I think you would be hot in county blues or even orange. I say, wait it out and see if you can get on house arrest like Kristy is! Stupid &!%#@%* Utah Police

Sam said...

You probably got a fix-it ticket, too. Meaning if you would have shown up to court with your headlight fixed they would have dropped the original fine.

michelle said...

Sam, don't rub anymore salt in my wound... I already know that I am totally responsible for my current situation

Lindsay said...

ok, so i loved this story. It totally sucks, but it IS a good story. I have way yo much time on my hands b/c after I read it, I played with photoshop. I'll email you the pic. Love!

deanna said...

I'm sure you'd look great in orange...or even stripes. You could work it...sew a little top and wear a tshirt underneath for sleeves. Oh and I'd visit you...as long as you keep on the jail vip list ha ha

Babs said...

Michelle, I will bake you a nice lemon pound cake with a file inside. Jail will be fun!!!

michelle said...

THANKS Lindsay!!! I love my face on Lil Kim's body!!! YAY

Purple CJ Diva Duckie said...

I loved this post! It's not funny, BUT IT IS! LOL I also LAUGHED OUT LOUD when I saw your pictures! TOO DANG FUNNY!
Sorry about the dang(I don't have a potty mouth), ticket, policeman, and whoever else is involved. I agree with you, don't they have criminals or someone to go get???? How about the crazy man over in Afghanistan? They could use some help finding him!
By the way, the city sent me a notice saying that if I didn't clean up a few little pieces of wood at my crib, they would send someone out her to clean up the nuisance and charge me 250! Yeah, I know there are people with NO LIFE!

marissa paolacci said...


Carmen said...

Holy cow Michelle!!! I started to read this post the other day but didn't get to finish it. I can't believe all that mess you went thru. What is the deal with the law these days?? ;-P

Anonymous said...

hahahaha. oh my gosh that's hilarious.Michelle your stories make me almost pee my pants. And uhh... that's a really sweet picture

the best christmas present ever!

the best christmas present ever!


There is no use trying, said Alice; one can't believe impossible things. I dare say you haven't had much practice, said the Queen. When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

I am the queen and this is my year, and nothing, NOTHING is impossible

the family dog....so spoiled...but look at his face!

the family dog....so spoiled...but look at his face!