Ya know...I think it takes a lot to make me mad,I mean, I've taken anger management twice and I think that I've come a VERY long way, especially now that I have eliminated alot of the language that comes out of my mouth ( I've let some bad words slip...) BUT TODAY, TODAY I get an award for holding my temper..
( Knock Knock) ( cause the doorbell at my house doesn't work)
me: "hello"
one of two men from Provo City: " hello, we've had some complaints about this chair on your front porch."
Me: " So,( then I pause for a nano second, I realize that I was being rude) Are you serious?"
Man: " Yes, well it's against zoning to have a house item on the porch."
Me: " Well, I had some really cool vintage chairs on my porch that belonged here, and someone stole them, so I'm just hoping someone steals this too, and saves me the trouble of getting rid of it."
Man: ( he has a shocked look on his face) " Um, well, it has to be moved"
Me: I'll stick it in the yard then and someone will come pick it up."
Man: " Do you think someone will?"
Me: " Did you not hear me, someone walked onto this porch and stole the other chairs, how about if I put a sign on it that says FREE?"
Man: "Well it has to be gone in 14 days"
Me: " oh good gosh, fine whatever, come back in 14 days and it will be gone."
Man: " Okay..."
Me: " and PS..only in FREAKING Utah! "
( I shut the door on them as they are talking, I don't need to hear it... I mean, SERIOUSLY...SERIOUSLY??? %$#^@#....Ya, know, I deserve the award for keeping what was in my head from coming out of my mouth ... I KNOW I can get loud, and I KNOW that I am mean, but bless my soul for not cussing those two stupid @#$%^#@ #$%^#@$ out... SERIOUSLY!!???
So, I called Captain Awesome to bring his car over so we could move it since he drives an SUV and of course, he's awesome so he comes over, but we have to run errands first...maybe he thought the drive would calm me down, but ya know what I saw on our little drive...I saw a old mustang parked in the front yard of some house, I saw a LIVING ROOM set in another...a computer desk on a porch...trash littering the streets, a couple of homeless people taking their belongings around town in stolen grocery carts, and graffiti drawn by the bored bad #$$ youth of the city...YEP... Ya know what Provo City... why don't you hire someone to pick up the litter, why don't you hire someone to paint over the crap spray painted on buildings, why don't you freaking find something for teenage kids with parents who don't watch them, something to do...WHY DON'T YOU FIND A PLACE FOR THE HOMELESS TO LIVE, so they aren't roaming the streets and WHY DON'T YOU GET OFF MY FREAKING BACK ABOUT A CHAIR ON MY FRONT PORCH THAT MY FRIEND SITS IN WHEN HE COMES OVER!!!???
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? I mean, I get a ticket for a head light that doesn't work, never mind that there are more pressing issues like , I don't know the war on drugs to deal with, my little head light is a big deal..and now , I need to get a chair off my porch, because , humph, maybe someone thinks it's an eye sore...well I think little girls with white tights and black patent leather shoes is an eye sore, but you don't see me going up to their mommas saying, "Please lady, white socks and black shoes ARE NO GOOD!" I think when people pierce the middle of their bottom lips look RIDICULOUS,but I don't walk up to them and say, " EWW, gross, how do you kiss with that?" SERIOUSLY IT WAS A CHAIR ON A PORCH! Give me a %$^#@# %$%^&*^ break!
I've been wearing this bracelet on my ankle, first til my friend Goob came home from Afghanistan, then til Court, my best friend Lisa's husband came home from Iraq and then I decided I was going to wear it til the war was over completely...I still have it on my ankle ( almost six years later) so it seems to me like we have more pressing things in the world to worry about then some stupid chair on a porch that is part of a house that I pay more than $600 dollars a month to live in...
