Isaac Russell - Lighthouse

I Love my friend Isaac...

What in the Future ?

Harry Potter is not real ( Although a really great series that I've read several times as well as seen EVERY movie, even the one with spiders) There is NO SUCH THING as magic... but today I wish there was. Today I  wish Divination  was real and I could pull out the old crystal ball and see what's in store for me. Was I always this IMPATIENT, good gosh... I'm standing still and inside screaming like Jane and Michael in Mary Poppins, " CAN WE GO, CAN WE GO"Can I JUST GO.. I have so much I want, I think that is where the problem lies.. wanting too much and not grateful enough for where I am at and what I have.. People can get lost in the wanting..but I also want to KNOW, I NEED TO KNOW.. I need a peek like a little kid covering their eyes and looking through the spaces in between their fingers... I want to see what I'm not allowed to.. 

 I'm so anxious I can't stand myself. I think I may be having a week.. I wish I knew..I just want to know what's in store...I mean... I just want a peek.. I'm the girl that if you've already seen the movie, I'll beg you to tell me the ending.. but I'll still want to see for myself... If you've read the book, tell me how it ends, but I'll still stay up reading every page. I need to know what to expect, should I brace myself for a bumpy ride, should I stretch out my arms and feel the wind on my faceand enjoy the moment because I'll want it to last forever?

Heaven Help me...

....choosing

"sometimes you just have to choose to have faith, even though it's hard..."

If You REALLY Knew Me

So, I read my friend Kaycee's blog and she had a post about this show on MTV called, " If You Really Knew Me".. oh good grief. I took the challenge and watched it and bawled my eyes the whole time. I wonder if they had had this when I was younger if I would be different, or healthier. It hit a little too close to home, and even now when I want to go on and on about what I wish people knew about me.. I don't dare say it... any of it. I think Kaycee is rad though, we are SO different and I bet we're alot a like.

If you Really knew me.. you'd know that I am a fortress.... some say I can't keep a secret, but the truth is that I have lots, and most of them are about me and the things I'll never tell...

Sometimes I wish I was little again..when nothing mattered and there were no hard choices.. when things were simple and I was more free..

I was the one,

who would always

jump in first

Didn't think twice

to look behind

Got such a good feeling,

just from playing

in the dirt

Once,

when I was little

We could build a rocket,

fly to the moon

Leave Tuesday morning,

and be back for noon

There wasn't nothing,

nothing that we couldn't do

Once, when I was little umm

Once, when I was little

Yeah I could dream more then

Yeah I believed more then

That the world

could only get better

Yeah I was free more then

I could pretend more then

That this life could

only show me good times

Once, when I was little

umm ohh lalala

There was a time

when I trusted everyone

Yes I did

There was no place

that I would not go oh no

Spend a day on the hillside

next to the holly mo

Oh once, when I was little

Yea once, when I, I was little

Yeah I could dream more then

Yeah I believe more then

That this world

could only get better

Yeah I was free more then

I could pretend more then

That this life could

only show me good times

Once, when I was little

Used to feel so strong

Even when they tell me,

tell me I was wrong

That I can't live

in a magic world

Cause it's time

for me to grow up

That I got to be

like the rest of them

When I know

there acting up ohh

I could believe more

then yes I could

I could pretend more then

That this life could

only get better

I could believe more

then yes I could

I could pretend more then

That this world could

only show me good times

Once, when I was little

When I was little

So here comes the next one,

the next in line

Stay as young you can,

for the longest time

Cause those days flew by

Like a breeze

just passing through

Once, when I was little

I Freaking need a piece of candy!

I just had a break down.. my computer wasn't working right, I feel like I haven't done a ding dang thing.. I lost it, and cried in Becky's office.. She told me I needed a piece of candy... I gave up sugar and soda.. I cheated the other day here at work, and had a migraine all weekend long when I gave it up again.. CRAP.. I will not have the candy.. I'll just have a breakdown every now and then til this part is over.. Please bear with me... 

what a dream

I want a place all of my own. I want a place that is mine so I can put up artsy pictures and lovely paintings. I want to decorate all over and I want my place to scream, " SOMEONE WONDERFUL LIVES HERE" I want to sit on my couch and have deep meaningful conversations with my friends, or just shoot the bull over cold raspberry lemon aid with sprigs of mint. 

I want to move on

I want pretty music playing in the background of my life. I want to wake up in an over sized bed with the sun shinning in on me.